Say ‘Yes’ to Inspiration & ‘No’ to Aspiration
In this article, Natalie Tincher, owner of BU Style and host of the Wear Who You Are Podcast, discusses a topic that is another core foundation in building your authentic personal style: inspiration vs. aspiration. When it comes to style and fashion, why should we be inspired but not aspire?
We are bombarded with images and rhetoric right and left of what is deemed fashionable or cool. What we “should” wear. How we should “be.” What body types are “ideal” . . . and so much more. In fact, think about it. Didn’t that start when we were young? What were the popular kids wearing? What look was considered beautiful or hot? Where were the cool kids hanging out? What club or sport elevated your status?
I was a victim of this growing up in Indiana. I was gangly, awkward, and pale as a pre-teen and early teenager. Some of the more unflattering nicknames referring to my looks were “Bones,” “Spaghetti Woman,” and Casper. I wasn’t considered one of the “hot” girls, and, boy, at the time, did I aspire to be one. By the standards of Logansport, Indiana, that wasn’t possible. The typical “hot” girl of that era in my small town was short, sun-drenched golden tan (usually from a tanning bed), and she had certainly developed more curves than I had. She wore spaghetti straps, tube tops, and other clothing my mom definitely didn’t allow me to wear.
Despite the obvious physical differences between me and them, I ASPIRED to look like these girls. Against my mom’s will, I torched my porcelain skin at the tanning beds and in the sun. I used my hard-earned summer job income to buy tube tops and cut-off shorts that I could change into once I left the house. I wanted so badly to be seen as “hot. “ However, at the end of the day, it was like Drizella trying on Cinderella’s slipper. It just didn’t fit. My style, my body, and my persona weren’t meant to fit into that profile. I look back at those pictures of these pre-teen and early teenage phases to emulate the “hot girl,” and I laugh. It just looked ridiculous on me because it wasn’t me!
I’m sure many of you have similar experiences. The point is many of us learn to aspire to be like others early in life, and it becomes ingrained in us so much so that we aren’t always aware—and it’s further perpetuated by the influences we come in contact with daily.
Inspirational vs. Aspiration
When it comes to our wardrobes, inspirational and aspirational fashion are two very different approaches to style and design. The two can be confused if we’re not careful.
Inspirational style and fashion, include the following:
Clothing and accessories that are designed to inspire or evoke certain emotions, moods, or ideas. These are the things that catch your eye and excite and motivate you. This can include items that are visually striking, have unique details, or are exciting innovations you’ve never seen before
Inspirational fashion is observing what you see in the world around you and applying those elements to your unique personal style foundation.
Inspirational style focuses on personal growth and self-improvement
Inspirational fashion is about creativity and self-expression
Inspiration in style is piecing together what lights you up from the outside world and applying it to your unique identity
On the other hand, when I talk about aspirational fashion, I am referring to the following:
Clothing and accessories designed to represent a particular lifestyle or social status
Aspirational fashion is often associated with luxury brands, and it may include items that are expensive, exclusive, or hard to obtain
Aspirational style refers to fashions that present an idealized version of life and encourage people to aspire to that lifestyle. It often involves promoting the idea that owning these things can make a person happier or more successful
Aspirational content depicts an idyllic lifestyle and encourages people to work towards achieving it
Aspirational style centers around the desire for material possessions
I will always encourage you to look at the world around you for inspiration. Inspiration is how we expand and grow. It’s how we learn new ideas and stay motivated to evolve. However, when it comes to gathering your style intel, if it happens to be from a person, whether it be an influencer, celebrity, or friend, I want you to ask yourself the following question: “Is this inspiration I can use to apply to my personal style or am I drawn it to because I aspire to be like this person?
I’m not saying you can’t want to learn from others and admire traits about them, but I am cautioning you about the dangers of wanting to be like someone else because you will never be like someone else. How they wear something is unique to their personal style, lifestyle, body type, budget, sense of self, and so much more.
Influence Your Own Style
I occasionally have clients that come to me with a celebrity or influencer and say, “I want to have [insert person’s] style.” That’s when we have to break it down and work together to redirect that. Instead, we analyze elements of that person’s style that the client likes. Is it the colors? The textures? A certain article of clothing? Is it the attitude of the persona? It’s important to make sure they are inspired by the style and do not wish to be that person or have their life.
The danger with aspirational fashion is that you will always be aspiring—because you will never be the people you aspire to emulate. You can’t be—nor can they be you! That’s the beauty of life and humanity! Focusing on wanting to be like someone else—having their budget or lifestyle or body or whatever it is—will provide a roadblock in accepting and embracing your uniqueness —because I promise you who you are is good enough.
Also, let’s not forget that what you see is more than likely some sort of filtered, edited, scripted version of someone else’s life.
I grew up Mormon, and I remember when the Mormon Mommy Blogs were THE THING. I think they might have been the original influencers before that was a term. It was the lifestyle blogging era. Many of these particular Mormon Mommy blogs posts were filled with content of family trips, creative activity days, over-the-top birthday parties, date nights with husbands, perfect girls’ trips with their gal pals, and daily workout routines—all with beautiful photos, kids playing together happily, all perfectly dressed up, never fighting, never a mess. And with all of the activities on their plate, the bloggers always seemed to have time to put together the perfect look, complete with a full face of makeup and perfectly coiffed hair—it was all straight out of a J.Crew meets Martha Stewart meets Stepford Wife catalog. It was a new genre I hadn’t seen before.
A few of my friends with kids would start to put themselves down after seeing these “perfect lives”; meanwhile, they forgot to pack their kid’s lunch, or there was a meltdown in the middle of a restaurant, or Little Jimmy’s uniform wasn’t washed for his soccer game.
Now, I knew some of these bloggers—their real lives were much less glamorous or perfect than their staged lives. And creating and maintaining that blog was literally their job. They were getting paid by advertisers and brands to show this life. No one’s life is that perfect—not even the ones presenting it as so.
I recently read a quote by Steve Furtick:
“The reason we struggle with insecurity is that we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.”
Fast-fashion marketers and influencer culture WANT you to want to be constantly consuming. This is why they use aspirational style marketing to influence you—so you will keep buying with hopes that whatever you buy will help you attain this unrealistic, unattainable aspiration.
Ways to Stay Inspired
So let’s start clearing out the noise and focus on staying inspired to develop your personal style vs. aspiring to look or be like someone else:
Step 1: Do a social media audit
Scroll through the people and brands you follow and ask yourself if you follow them because they inspire you or because you aspire to be like them or have the life they are selling. Unfollow or mute the ones that may be creating unhealthy aspirational envy.
Step 2: Find healthy forms of style inspiration to follow
This can be interior design, nature, architecture, cities that inspire you, and more. I like to follow people who look and live nothing like me. That way, I know I’m not influenced by wanting to eb an exact replica of them. Instead, I can be visually inspired. For example, I get a lot of my style inspiration from menswear styling. Some male artists and sharply-dressed sportscasters are among my favorite inspiration because they combine colors, patterns, silhouettes, and styles that excite me. I can use that as inspiration, and I can find ways to incorporate the elements I like into my own style brand.
Let’s carry on this movement of self-acceptance and start breaking this aspirational fashion cycle. Living in a cycle of following aspirational marketing and fashion is just getting in the way of you living the life you were uniquely meant to live and reflecting that through your personal style. I hope all of us (myself included) can accept who we are and be inspired to be the happiest, best version of ourselves. Also, give yourself grace in the process! No negative self-talk allowed!